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ELIZABETH ARAKELIAN / 209 Magazine
Publication for 209 Magazine
Updated: Dec. 5, 2019, 4 p.m.
Weddings are a time to celebrate, but in this modern age they can also be a source of confusion. Do couples need to send save the dates as well as physical invitations? Should they still cut the cake if they’re opting for a dessert bar? And what about wedding hashtags and honeymoon funds?
Lori Cole of Turlock has been planning weddings for 34 years. Her team at Lori Cole Events has facilitated weddings in the Central Valley and beyond, attending to the wishes of each bride and groom while preserving key wedding etiquette. Much has changed since Cole began planning weddings in 1985, but there are some key “do’s” and “don’ts” both bridal parties and guests should abide by to ensure a flawless affair. ■
FOR THE COUPLE
Invitations
Do: Send a printed invitation
Don’t: Include wedding registry information
In the digital age, many people are tempted to forgo invitations to cut costs. But a wedding is one case in which sending a printed, formal invitation is expected.
“The only time I recommend using a digital invitation is when a couple is having a very intimate wedding but a larger reception to which they’re inviting their guests,” Cole said. “Since guests aren’t invited to the actual wedding ceremony, it is a bit more casual and in that case it is fine.”
If you’re tempted to go digital, a wedding website is a convenient way to communicate information like your wedding registry — which is taboo to include with the print invitation.
Wedding communications
Do: Have a wedding website for detailed communications
Don’t: Forgot to send handwritten thank you notes
Wedding websites are a great way to communicate ceremony details in advance or to send reminders, like for guests to bring a sweater if the venue is outdoors, like many rustic weddings in the Central Valley. It’s also a tactful way to communicate registry information.
Once the wedding is over, there is one vital correspondence the newlyweds must not forget:
thank you notes.
“Thank you notes are just mandatory, it doesn’t matter the size of your wedding,” Cole said.
For those with a large guest list, Cole suggests sending a photo with a thoughtful printed message and your signature as guests enjoy displaying the photo from your special day.
Honeymoon fund
Do: Use a website, like Zola, to host your honeymoon fund
Don’t: Ask for funds directly
Honeymoon funds are a relatively recent invention in which younger couples are interested in receiving funds to do activities on their honeymoon, rather than items for the home. While the concept may be taboo to older generations, according to Cole it is all in how you present it.
Websites like Zola.com allow couples to add excursions to their wedding registry. This way, guests feel like they are purchasing something specific for the couple to do.
One major no-no for the bride and groom? Do not request cash directly from guests.
FOR THE GUESTS
Gifts
Do: Send directly to the couple
Don’t: Bring to the ceremony
While many wedding guests plan to bring a beautifully wrapped gift, Cole suggests they make it easier on themselves — and the couple — by sending their gift ahead of time. While in olden days gifts would be sent to the brides’ parents’ house, now most people send gifts directly to the couple.
“As the planner who is trying to protect the gifts and manage the event, I love that trend,” Cole said. “Plus, it is really nice for the couple to not have to worry about transporting the gifts.”
Phones
Do: Be considerate of the hired wedding photographer
Don’t: Bring out your phone until formal festivities are complete
Most people at a wedding want to grab their phone and snap a photo of the beautiful couple. But leaning into the aisle with an iPad while the bride processes? Not a good idea.
“It’s just terrible when a photographer’s shots are ruined because all the guests in the background are holding up their phones,” Cole said. “I know people want to capture the moment, but I challenge them to consider, what are you really going to do with that low-quality image?”
One thing not to do? Post a photo before the bride and groom posts a photo of their big day.
Even if a couple has selected a wedding hashtag you’re eager to use, Cole said it is good etiquette to let the happy couple share the first photo. This includes the bridal party, which she coaches to stow their phones until the couple has their first dance. That way, the hired photographer can capture their smiling faces and not their phones.
Additionally, Cole is a big supporter of “unplugged” ceremonies and even offers signs for her clients to use should they want to go the “no phone zone” route.
Reception
Do: Enjoy the couple’s uniquely curated dessert bar
Don’t: Eat the treats before the couple has had their cake-cutting photo
The cutting of the cake is an iconic wedding photo, but some couples are forgoing this tradition for a fantastic display of mini-desserts. From sprinkled doughnuts to cheesecake bites, dessert bars allow the happy couple to display their personality and cater to the varied interests of their guests.
“We can do a gorgeous sweets buffet for the same cost as a large wedding cake and it serves as your dessert and your favor, and who doesn’t want a favor you can eat?” Cole said.
Guests wouldn’t dream of touching an immaculately displayed wedding cake, so they should never raid the dessert bar before given permission. Many times, couples also include a smaller cake among the sweets, so that they can still have that classic cake-cutting photo. In order to keep the dessert bar intact, guests should refrain from enjoying the desserts until told to do so.
more info...Flowerless Bouquets
By Nora Heston Tarte
Weddings
Ditch the botanicals for a more modern bouquet. Brides everywhere are forgoing flowers in lieu of other handhelds on the big day. From broaches to non-floral greenery, learn how to lockdown this trend. Lori Cole, owner/designer of Lori Cole Events, shares some of the more creative ideas her brides have brought to the table—and to their bridesmaids.
Vintage Brooches
A brooch is a type of ornament typically worn on clothing and fastened by a pin. They are a great way to bring color, texture, and dimension to a bouquet, much like flowers typically do.
Get the look: scour thrift stores or ask older relatives to share favorites from a private collection. Be mindful of how the brooches will look against your wedding gown, but don’t be afraid to go a little crazy. Brooches can be all one color, or pull in several colors for a more festive look.
Clutches
Women typically walk around carrying a purse and not a bundle of flowers so it makes sense to ditch the bouquet and opt for cute, matching clutches instead. Lori says one bride she had placed floral pins on satin clutches for all of her bridesmaids.
Get the look: Find clutches that compliment the wedding party’s attire, and then adorn them with cute extras if you want to.
No Bouquet
Some brides are opting for no bouquets at all, not even a replacement purse. Instead, the focus is on pretty jewelry—think necklaces and hairpieces that stand out.
Get the look: Choose a couple of pieces to be the centerpiece of the outfit, but don’t go big on everything.
Paper
Think origami. Have you ever seen napkin roses and pretty paper flowers? Perhaps you’d like to throw some cranes in there. From all white to colorful and crafty, brides are making cost-effective, sustainable bouquets they can keep for life… out of paper.
Get the look: Enlist an artsy friend to do the dirty work, or order one from a professional.
Other
Don’t limit yourself. Lori has just about seen it all. Needlepoint hoops and shotgun shells have both been used to create out-of-the box bouquets for creative brides. One bride even approached Lori about carrying rescue puppies down the aisle—a trend the Internet made famous when a group of pooches was adopted at a wedding where the bride did the same.
more info...
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